The Long Con

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Christopher Garlington, Esq

Sasquatch: Dad, can I have $20?

Dad: I gave you money this morning.

Squatch: Dad, that was yesterday.

Dad: Oh. Yeah. Wow. Summer, right?

Squatch: It’s cool. You’ve been working a lot.

Dad: Yeah, thanks. . .wait a minute.

Squatch: Working on . . . on getting old.

Dad: Gimme a second (dials mom).

[My Attorney] What?

Squatch: EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS A LIE!

Dad: never mind (click).

Squatch: Ten bucks for trying?

Dad: Seriously?

Squatch: Five for bravery?

Dad: You’ve got balls, kid (hands him a fiver).

Squatch opens his wallet to put in the five bucks–it’s full of money.

Dad: What the hell?!

Squatch: What?

Dad: How much money is that?

Squatch: A buck twenty.

Dad: WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME UP FOR CASH?

Squatch: I need it for lunch!

Dad: [cursing]

Squatch: Dad, I’m not spending MY money on food.

Dad: [cursing]

Squatch: I mean, you guys are my providers, right?

Dad: What the hell am I going to eat?

Squatch: (pulls a 20 out of his billfold) Here, buy yourself something nice.

Dad: [explodes]

About Christopher Garlington, Esq

Christopher Garlington is the humor columnist for Chicago Parent magazine, Seattle Parent Map, and New York Parenting magazine. His stories have appeared in Atlanta Parent, Baton Rouge Parent, Parenting ABC (U.K.); Florida, Orlando, Orlando Weekly, Catholic Digest, Retort, Another Realm, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, and other magazines. He is the author of the infamous anti-parenting blog, Death By Children; co-author of The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago Eats.
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  • Richard “Offswitch” Nowak

    I found a way to get even. When I opened their bank accounts I got access and a debit card. Whenever I get “short” of money, I raid their filthy lucre. BAM !!