For weeks I’ve been impersonating a homeless Ben Franklin, letting my hair grow long and tattered and kicking myself in the arse for not getting haircut. This weekend, as my hair started to gain classification as its own ecosystem, one of my oldest and dearest friends came to Chicago so I elected to get shorn. I went to my buddy, MJ, who owns Fades R Us by MJ, and he attacked my shaggy dome.
Three minutes into it MJ started grumbling and threw his clippers into the wall. He grabbed a chainsaw and chewed through my eyebrows (which, prior, could only be described as Gandalphian) because they were so big they were trapping my cut hair, making me look like I had a forehead wig.
Then MJ draped my face with a hot towel for my shave and I fell asleep. Look, the review is on Yelp. He’s worth every penny. Two weeks from now, I’m going in a for a facial.