Chris Garlington—registered badass. |

On a good day.

Death By Children is my shameless self-centered creative outlet. Blogging is wickedly fun; it allows me to write in a way that would make most editors try to strangle me with their bare hands; it lets me say things in a highly snarkian fashion, and I get to make up words (see: snarkian).

I make my living as a humor writer with occasional dips into the advertising pool. I write original stories, feature articles, and copy.

Here’s my CV:

Christopher Garlingto n lives in Chicago in a standard two kids, wife, dog, corner-lot, two car, small-business-owner American dream package. He drives a 2003 Camry, sports a considerable notebook fetish, and smokes Arturo Fuente Partaga Maduros at the Cigar King as often as possible. His stories have appeared in Florida, Orlando, Orlando Weekly, Catholic Digest, Retort, Another Realm, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, South Lit, and other magazines. His short story collection, King of the Road is available on Amazon. His column in Chicago Parent Magazine was nominated for a national humor award (rigged). He is the author of the infamous anti-parenting blog, Death By Children ; the anti-writing blog, Creative Writer Pro; and co-author of The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago Eats, available on Amazon and in fine bookstores everywhere. Besides writing his columns, Garlington is currently cooking his way through A Treasury of Great Recipes, by Vincent Price, with the chefs of the famous underground supper club, Cladestino. This project has been featured in various food news, including Grub Street Chicago, and the emmy nominated, “I-90 North,” television program.