Bras Cause Cancer!

Posted on May 22, 2009 by Christopher Garlington

The daily argument between the teen-manga-rock star and myself went martian today when I gave her her daily admonishment to strap on a brazier.

“You mean put on a straight jacket for my boobs?”

“Yeah. Please?”

“I can’t believe you want me to restrain my womanhood!”

“I’m not–your what?”

“Bras cause breast cancer, dad!”

“WHAT!?”

“Everybody knows that.”

“No they–”

“Leave me alone! Let my boobs run free!”

I gave up. Sometimes all a parent can do is stare, mouth agape,
high speed electric drill poised over their forehead, and hope that guy from Scrubs doesn’t play you in the movie.

———————————-

Please save me: my children are trying to kill me.

Originally posted 2007-08-28 21:17:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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  • The Bee

    Hahahahahaha. Oh man, I love that. Freakin’ fantastic!

    I hate bras. I wear them as little as possible.

  • Rambling Mom

    You know I am SURE if I search long enough on the Internet I’ll find proof that bras cause cancer. But

    http://www.breastcancer.org/questions/bras.jsp

    Says no.

    And I’m thinking that site might be a little more accurate than someone’s myspace blog.

    Too bad — means I can’t let the girls hang free (but since I’m pushing 50 nobody would REALLY want to see that anyway).

  • BetteJo

    Geez if she only had some idea how quickly she will start to sag anyway – she might want to wrap them up in an ace bandage!!

  • katherine.

    ya know….at that age…its fine.

    good for her she isn’t embarrassed by them.

  • Mrs French

    I'm new here, so I this is the first time I have read your blog. Hilarious!

    (p.s. I liked Spawn.)

  • Death By Children

    Over the shoulder boulder holder. I might rename my blog. . .

    For the record, I let my kids make their own decisions most of the time. This one not being an exception. But I do like to shore up my excessive liberal parenting with gossip–I mean with considered opinion.

    And WELCOME to Mrs. French. I loved your work on Family Affair.

  • UberSchatz

    I only have 1 thing to ask. PLEASE don’t EVER stop writing. I recently went through 2 bad blog break-ups and it has been hell. I dont know if I can take another heartache like that. Three of my other blog relationships are on the rocks also. Two have book deals and it’s looking like it might be over for us. I dont have dependancy issues. Im just tired of being shown a good time for a year and then being left hanging every time. I feel so lonely. One even stopped working and I think he is just waiting for the dough to roll in from his book before he pulls the plug on us. Please, PLEASE, just dont ever stop writing. Please. I dont know if I can live with that.

    But seriously, if you ever stop writing, I will hunt you down like the Alabama ‘coon you are, skin you, roast you over a nice BBQ pit fire, season you with Tony Chachere’s spices, and enjoy you with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti. Sssffffssssff.

  • Death By Children

    Anyone who gets a book deal from their blog–then STOPS BLOGGING THEIR BLOG is retarded.

    If you shake out the contracts from a book deal, even the most stupid lucrative freaky 1.5 million dollar deal only keeps you going in the sartorial splendor any writer deserves for about 4.5 years. After taxes and whiskey, you only pull down about 110 a year and that’s less than a first year attorney at a decent firm. We ought to make TWICE as much as that.

    If I get a book deal and somebody drops some dough on me, you can bet your blog will be HAND DELIVERED poolside on a silver tray by naked fencing instructors.

  • Geosomin

    I’m a cancer researcher & I can tell ya…I think she’ll be OK :)

    You made me spit out my coffee laughing – Thanks :)